Article A Bad Experience Doesn’t Define Your Speaking

When it comes to public speaking, there are defining misfortunes that can haunt us for years.

These disasters can literally define who we are as speakers and set up ingrained habit patterns of speaking failure that become a self-fulfilling prophecy for years.

Every time we feel threatened by a similar situation, this defining experience creeps into our consciousness to remind us of the trauma that lies ahead and just how hopeless we are.

*Graham Skinner had always felt uneasy reading aloud in primary school. In fact, he managed to avoid doing anything in front of people right up to year ten, but this particular day there was no getting out of it. He had to deliver a talk on an article from the newspaper. “Skinner, you’re next week’s speaker,” he heard the teacher say.

Absolute panic took hold of him. The mere thought of having to stand in front of the whole school at assembly terrified him. He told me that each night after that, he’d lie awake in a cold sweat hoping it would just go away.

The night before his talk, he realised he could avoid it no more. He sat down at the kitchen table and picked the smallest snippet he could find in the newspaper, stared long and hard at it, then put it in his pocket. This was the extent of his preparation.

He didn’t sleep at all that night.

He remembers the next morning as a blur, that piece of paper burning in his pocket, a constant reminder of the terrible fate that awaited him.

“As I sat in the front row, I was shivering all over and just wanted to be somewhere else,”, he told me later. He doesn’t remember much after that… Standing at the lectern, feeling faint and staggering off in a cold sweat.

The pain and humiliation of this experience had etched itself so deeply within him that it literally ran his life. Yet with a little help to see things differently as an adult, Graham was able to recognize this awful experience for what it was – a task far beyond him without the necessary coaching and encouragement to be a success.

He now knows he’s not alone in this. It would have happened to anyone in a similar situation with a similarly unprepared mind. It simply wasn’t his fault, so why should he let inadequate guidance and preparation brand him a hopeless public speaker for the rest of his life?

Habit patterns of speaking success.

Graham twigged that he was no longer that frightened little boy. He had travelled the world and now managed a successful business. Graham was faced with a stark choice: keep traveling the fearful path he had been struggling along for years, or start walking a brand new one where he could speak as the person rich in experience he now is. Graham chose to redefine himself and start walking this new path.

After joining a caring public speaking club, he now measures himself against ‘friendly’ habit patterns of speaking success instead of his past habit patterns of speaking failure.

There comes a time when we must break the imprisoning molds of yesterday and set ourselves free from the pain of circumstances and events beyond our control, for as we grow, our values, perceptions, and understandings are constantly changing.

And if we allow ourselves, we can learn from painful experiences and move on to new and exciting things… Hey, we all have a ‘bad hair’ day now and again, but it’s what we learn from it that counts!

Accept the inspiration of others.

Some years ago, as a guest speaker, I tentatively gave my first Rotary Club talk with the pretentious title: ‘The Getting of Wisdom.’ It was a woeful effort. No matter how hard I tried, I struggled to hold the attention of that 100-strong audience. The generous applause at the end was because I’d cut my talk short.

I couldn’t get out of there quickly enough. But I didn’t chuck in the towel. I persevered. Six years later, I found myself doing a keynote talk for the National Speakers Association of Australia. At the end of my presentation, a man walked up to me and said, “About six years ago, I saw you give a talk at a Rotary Club that would have to be one of the worst talks I’ve ever seen in my life. Tonight would have to be one of the best. I thought you’d be interested to know that.”

So don’t let one bad public speaking incident haunt you for the rest of your life. Learn from it, then move on with the insights gained. Now free from this debilitating mold, as you grow, you’ll be able to create a steady stream of positive benchmarks against which to measure your public speaking effectiveness and potential.

*Graham Skinner was not his real name.

Hope this helps.

ARTICLE // A Bad Experience Doesn’t Define Your Speaking

By Laurie Smale, Author, How to take the panic out of public speaking 🎤

1. Remember to prepare beforehand
2. Understand what you have achieved
3. Accept the inspirations from others

These suggestions provide practical ways for you to prepare for a public speaking presentation.

Read all the details at https://lauriesmale.com/blog/article-a-bad-experience-doesnt-define-your-speaking

All of my practical coaching wisdom is in my three books available at https://lauriesmale.com/books

#lauriesmale #article #howtotakethepanicoutofpublicspeakingbook #presentationplanning

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