Article A Lifetime of Being Bullied

I once helped a young man (28) overcome his public speaking fears, and his story might help you. I’ll call him Bill.

As Bill’s story unfolded, I learnt that as a kid, he had been systematically bullied by a bunch of, for want of a better word, thugs.

Now, even though this started in primary school, they’d lie in wait for him, and one even held a knife to his throat and threatened him.

His Mum and Dad knew nothing of this, and it continued into his secondary years. When he left school, he got a job that required him to present things to small groups and he became good at this, mainly because he was left alone to figure it out for himself.

But if he ever had those with authority above him, he’d let them browbeat him into things he felt uncomfortable with and didn’t know why.

A couple of years ago, he found himself in Sydney as a senior executive for a big company. One of his senior colleagues told him he had to give a vital presentation in two days’ time to a group of influential people, with millions hinging on it. Bill’s whole reputation was at stake. “But I don’t know anything about this subject,” he pleaded.

“You’ll be alright, just do it” this guy said.

Bill did and experienced one of the most horrific 20 minutes of his life, an experience that continued to scar him until he spent half a day with me.

When I explained to him that this was just another type of bullying that had continued all his life and that he was letting himself be pushed around – the penny dropped.

I told him, “They didn’t step forward to do it themselves did they! No! They made you be the bunny and do it! They didn’t want their reputation sullied or hurt in any way”.

When he understood their selfish motives and bullying tactics he said, “And I thought that my public speaking incompetence was to blame for the disaster, that I was hopeless”.

I explained that anybody – including me – would have failed in that unprepared, pressure situation. That’s why they covered their backs by pushing you into it! I went on to say you could have taken control by doing two things: You could have said, “As this presentation means so much to the company, I need either an extra week to familiarise myself with the situation with adequate research, etc., or we get someone else to do it.”

He admitted that for the past three years, he had borne the entire blame for this debacle because these guys had him thinking that it was all his fault! Realising that he’d yet again let himself be ‘bullied’ into something he felt bad about, he decided that he would never let this happen again. He wouldn’t let the bullies who had run his life in his early years go on controlling his thinking many years later.

And that’s just what he’s done. Not long ago, he had to give an informative talk about Melbourne after being posted here from Sydney. He told his senior colleagues that he was going to get someone else to do it as he knows little about Melbourne yet but would say a brief ‘hello’ when his colleague had finished. For the first time in his life, he was in total control of the choices he makes without being railroaded into something with a sinking heart to talk on things he knows little about.

He emailed me saying that he feels liberated because at last he is in control, knows his own worth, and is free from the persistent shackles of bullying.

Hope this helps.

ARTICLE // A Lifetime of Being Bullied

By Laurie Smale, Author, How to take the panic out of public speaking 🎤

Did you have a childhood influenced by bullies? Has it carried over into your professional life? Have you ever considered asking for help, particularly if you have to speak in front of groups. Learn more in this story about ‘Bill’…

Read all the details at https://lauriesmale.com/blog/article-a-lifetime-of-being-bullied

All of my practical coaching wisdom is in my three books available at https://lauriesmale.com/books

#lauriesmale #article #findingmefindingyoubook #bullying

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